I was in no way traumatized

A 27-year-old Frenchman from Paris, Anthony alias Stradivarius, remembers in a French internet forum that he had a ‘pedophile’ relationship with an approximately 50-year-old man, whom he calls Pierre, from the age of 12.

Taken from the collection Positive Memories, compiled by T. Rivas.

He felt seduced by his personality and stresses he never had any homosexual inclinations apart from this relationship. The seduction, as he calls it, went on for a year and a half, during which he repeatedly noticed that Pierre really liked him a lot.

When he was fourteen, he asked Pierre mockingly if he had perhaps fallen in love with him. Pierre answered that he was always thinking and dreaming about the boy. Anthony felt flattered, proud even, that he was so important to him. On the other hand, he was mad about girls and asked himself if he somehow looked gay.

Pierre read his mind and quickly reassured Anthony that he did not. He would have declared his love for the boy much sooner, if Anthony had looked gay. Anthony has no doubt that his friend really felt love for him. He would have given everything for the boy.

Very soon afterwards, Anthony and Pierre started having sex with each other. Although at first Pierre did not attract him sexually, Pierre did help Anthony to enjoy sex outside the context of masturbation. He never penetrated him, because Anthony simply did not feel like it. Pierre always respected Anthony’s boundaries and never forced him to do anything.

The relationship ended about two years later, when Anthony fell in love with a girl at school. He decided to stop having sex with Pierre, because he felt that this would be incompatible with his sexual fidelity towards the girl. As always, Pierre fully respected his decision.

Nevertheless, they continued to see each other often for years, as two true friends, until Pierre’s early death, six years later.

For Anthony, this relationship was a story of a very strong friendship, mixed with sexual pleasure.

“I was in no way traumatized. […] On the contrary, this man has given me many things, such as self-confidence. When I used to be with him, I felt strong, invulnerable, I was proud of us.”

Anthony also felt excited by the forbidden aspect of the relationship and by the responsibility he felt towards his adult partner.

The only thing Anthony could in hindsight hold against Pierre is that the friendship might have been discovered and forcefully ended, which might have traumatized the boy. Given the generally negative atmosphere surrounding ‘pedophilia’, one could view this as rather irresponsible of the adult partner.

Leaving this aside, he only has positive memories of his friendship with Pierre.