Without guys like Mark, I would probably be dead today

This letter from 14-year-old Carl to NAMBLA contains his description of how he came to live with the youth worker Mark and have an intimate relationship with him.

This report is from the publication ‘Boys speak out!’ by the American man/boy love advocacy organization NAMBLA. The book can be ordered on the organization’s website.

Source: Boys speak out on man/boy love; NAMBLA; fourth (enlarged and expanded) edition; July 1996

If It Wasn’t for Mark I’d Probably Be Dead Today

I am a 14-year old boy involved sexually with an older guy I happen to love very much. I am sick and tired of listening to all these stories of boy-lovers and how perverted and sick they are. Well, if it wasn’t for my older friend Mark, I would probably be dead by now.

When I was 11 years old, my parents started to drink real heavy, and instead of buying food they bought a lot of booze. They were fighting all the time, and my dad always hit me for not cleaning the house. One night I was looking at this horror movie on television and I got scared, so I went over to where he was sitting and said, “Dad, can I sit with you?” Well, he called me a little faggot and then took the belt to me. He hit me extra hard that night because the belt buckle hit me in the lip and I had to have 8 stitches. (Dad told the hospital doctor I was in a fight with another kid.)

When I turned 12, things really got pretty bad, because my mother took my little sister and ran away. I was now all alone at home with my dad. He got fired from his truck-driving job for drinking, and he took out all his hatred on me. One night I stayed at the local library a little later finishing my homework, and when I got home my dad was drunk and punched me in the face and threw me out of the house. I guess a neighbor called the police because they came and locked him up and took me to a children’s shelter.

I was only there for a short time, because it was there when I met Mark, who was my youth caseworker. He was always so nice and gentle with me. For the first time I was being treated like a human being. Mark asked me if I would like to spend the Christmas holidays with him, and I jumped at the opportunity. All during that period, Mark treated me like his son, taking me to the movies, ice-skating, football games, and watching television together. The last night together was very sad because Mark explained I was going to be moved to a special school for boys who didn’t have any parents or relatives.

Well, Mark hugged me that night and I could tell he was crying too. I told him that night I loved him and wanted to remain with him forever.

I had to go back to the shelter, but a few weeks later I had to go to this big courtroom, and I saw mark sitting there smiling. The judge asked me if I would like to live with Mark for good. I was so happy I cried.

Well, I was now 13 years old, and like most other guys was jerking off every chance I could. Mark surprised me one night and walked into my room while I had my penis in my hand. I was scared he would send me back to the shelter, but instead he smiled and sat down on the bed and talked to me. That night he took me in his arms and gently masturbated me to my first orgasm. He held me tight afterwards and it was the most thrilling experience of my entire life.

I know Mark is a boy-lover, but I also know he loves me like a son. I am now 14, and I have a girlfriend, and Mark is very excited for me. He even gives me spending money to take my girlfriend ice-skating and to the movies.

Well, Mark gets these Bulletins from the NAMBLA, and he is a member. I often look at these and other boy-love material, and I get sick when I read about how some people treat guys who love boys.

Without guys like Mark, I would probably be dead today, because without someone to love me – well, life wouldn’t be worth living. I am the luckiest and happiest kid today because of boy-lovers like Mark.

No one told me to write this letter, and everything I wrote is the complete truth. Maybe others can learn from my experience that boy-lovers are indeed the real men of our society. Thank you for reading this, and you can print it, if you like.

A very proud 14 year old
New Jersey