I knew I was different

This report is about Chris, who was aware of his homosexual tendency very early on and who reports about his first experiences with a man.

Taken from the collection Positive Memories, compiled by T. Rivas.

Source: Article ‘My Story’ by Chris; NAMBLA Updates; September 2010

A person named Chris shared the following experiences with NAMBLA:

“I knew I was different from the time I started school. and I liked boys, just didn’t know how much and what that entailed.

I didn’t become aware of my sexual interest until I was seven, and this may seem unreal, or even exaggerated, but it is the truth. My dad and I went into a fast food restaurant, not even sure what it was called, as if that mattered, it has been torn down since then. Bearing in mind this was over 30 years ago, and times were different.

When dad ordered the food, I saw a man, somewhere in his late 20s sweeping up in the kitchen. We made eye contact, he smiled at me, and I smiled back. There was something in that smile I had never seem before, and it was unexplainable to me what it was, but I felt a giddiness, and a draw to be closer to this person.

We sat down to eat, and a few minutes later, he came out and was emptying the trash cans, and without thinking, I got up and walked over to him and we started talking. I still remember most of what was said, I hung onto every word. When the conversation was finished we would get together in a few hours at the park nearby.

I was excited and I didn’t even know why. Dad asked me who that was and what they wanted, and I told him apparently a very convincing lie, don’t remember what is was, but we were at the park at the appointed time.

At first I thought he wasn’t there, but I saw him going into the rest room that was near the bandstand. I went in after him, and he kissed me on the lips and from that point on I let him do whatever he wanted. I left that rest room no longer a virgin, and it was nothing like how society says it is. I did what came natural to me, and nothing was forced on me, I actually felt love for him.”