Boys Help Men, Too

Letter to NAMBLA from a college student who has had a relationship with a man since he was a boy. Among other things, he writes about the aspect of giving and taking.

This report is from the publication ‘Boys speak out!’ by the American man/boy love advocacy organization NAMBLA. The book can be ordered on the organization’s website.

Source: Boys speak out on man/boy love; NAMBLA; fourth (enlarged and expanded) edition; July 1996

Boys Help Men, Too

“Do you like to have sex with guys?” I’d frankly ask the naked man sitting next to me. It was my favorite question. I am 18, and have been having sex with older men ever since I was 12. I was a pubescent sex fiend, always picking up men at the park, shooting off with them, then usually never seeing them again. Like other horny boys my age, I knew what I wanted, and I knew how to get it. That is how my relationship wit EL., 34, started out.

I met EL. the same way I met all of the others; that is, at the local recreation center, in the locker room. I went to EL’s house for the first time when I was thirteen. I have been seeing him ever since. At his house we would watch a movie, have sex, then he would take me home, usually without my uttering one meaningful word to him. All I wanted was to have his prick in my mouth, and to put mine in his. I was never interested in a “relationship”. I was just being myself. I didn’t care what he felt, unless, of course he felt it improperly…

In the spring of my eighteenth year we realized the fact that we were (are) desperately in love. Through a series of discussions that year, we decided to maintain our relationship beyond the barriers of distance and separation.

Recently, I began researching pdophilia and have read all too much of “what the man gives the boy” (e.g. companionship, a best friend, love). EL. has given me all these things, plus a lot more. This is all expected, and fabulous to have, but what about the other side? I’ve given EL. just as much as he’s given to me. One night, as I was lying naked with EL., rambling on about general teenage angst, he said to me, “Y’know, I never really thought about just talking with a person.”

I was dumbfounded. I’ve always been completely open with people (when I decide to say anything at all). EL. explained to me how closeted he has always been – about everything: his thoughts, his feelings, his sexuality, and how a large part of his life, in his eyes, was a general waste. EL. also showed me how my influence was the impetus for his coming out – out with thoughts, feelings, and out with his being gay. With the help of my naive, not-so-innocent opennes, and EL’s courage to face up to the world, he is leading a different life.

This is not to say that NAMBLA has completely disregarded the man’s point of view. NAMBLA should be extolled for the work that is being done, but maybe it’s time to put equal emphasis on the other side of the relationship. Love is, after all, a give-and-take experience, and I know from having the boy’s experience that I’ve enjoyed the taking just as much as I’ve enjoyed the giving.

“College Boy”

NAMBLA Bulletin, vol. 11, no. 9 (December 1990), p. 8.