An overwhelming, beautiful thing

Joop, who is an adult today, reports on a relationship that started when he was 13 years old. He found the relationship to be loving and it lasted 4 years.

Taken from the collection Positive Memories, compiled by T. Rivas.

Joop (about 36 years old) sent several letters to Rivas in 1996 and 1997 and spoke with him on the phone. Joop is a bisexually oriented man, but sees no relation to what he experienced as a child.

Here are some excerpts of what he told Rivas.

“It was June 1973; I had just turned thirteen, when I got to know Jos. He had just moved to G., and he lived in a flat near to our home. After school, I used to play soccer with some friends and that’s how I met Jos. We starting talking, and after a few weeks he asked me if I wanted to visit him some time. I did.

We developed a relationship in which I received a lot of love and attention. After a while we went to town together and bought records and cloths and we went to a restaurant. I often spent the night with him. Jos was a father, friend and brother for me, all at the same time.

It took about half a year before we first had a shower together, followed by sex. I guess it was in the Autumn of 1973 when we first slept with each other. Due to my age I was inclined to some experimentation, but Jos did not rush anything. He explained what I had to do and how I could reach an orgasm. In a way, he tried to enlighten me about sex, rather than just doing it with me. Jos never went too far; if there was something I did not want to do, he stopped immediately.

The love this man gave me, the feeling of being loved, was such an overwhelming, beautiful thing. He had a sincere interest in what I did at school and in my hobbies, such as soccer.

The relationship lasted for 4 years. It was left to me when I visited him and how often. It could happen that I went to see him four times a week, but it was no problem if I stayed away for a while. He understood that I was still a kid, and he gave me enough space to stay a kid. He understood that my friendships with peers were at least as important for me. Jos was a sweet, tender man. He often took me on his lap and kissed me and that’s how I felt he really loved me. He didn’t often use words to express his love for me, though he did affectionately call me his “little soccer player”.

I learnt a lot from him and it was a real shame that he died at an early age.

I think parents have the right to get to know their child’s adult friend, but it should be up to the child whether he wants to see someone or not.”