I had a very good time with paedophiles

Holger tells the story of how he fell in love with a grown man when he was 12.

Taken from the collection Positive Memories, compiled by T. Rivas.

Source: Crime Without Victims: A book about paedophilia.

A Danish man, Holger, was in his fifties when he gave an interview about his experiences as a minor, included in Crime without Victims.

It started when I was 12. We had gym at school and we all showered together afterwards in the locker-room. I had relations with several boys in my class, but I was more interested in adults.

I’m from North Sealand. I discovered that exciting things went on in the dunes near Tisvilde. I made a lot of contacts and dates there.

One evening on the way home from a Scout meeting - a Monday evening during the war with the blackout in effect - I passed by one of the young men in the village. He was getting cream puffs [In Danish they’re called “nigger kisses” Ed.] from a vending machine. The question just popped out of my mouth: “Are you going to have a nigger kiss tonight? He was. And I got one of his cakes.

We walked part way down the road together and made a date to meet again on Thursday to play cards. When I arrived on Thursday he had a fine fire going in his stove. He suggested strip poker. He was the first adult male I went with and I fell very much in love with him.

How old were you?

Thirteen and a half, and he was in his late twenties. But then suddenly he disappeared. I had no idea where he’d gone. The next place I went for contacts was the swimming pool at Charlottenlund. I rode my bike - 45 kilometre there and back. Usually I had to fit it all into the afternoon - the trip and the sex - and so I had to pedal very hard. I made a number of contacts. Some had come to North Sealand. With others, I went to their villages. So, in the summertime I did quite well; wintertime was a bit harder.

Did you realise it was illegal?

Yes. One of the men explained this to me in Tisvilde. He was afraid that somebody would find out what we were doing, but I came from a very religious family so I had no intention of going home and telling anybody anything. I knew the sex was something you weren’t supposed to do, but I couldn’t fight it. Actually, the man wasn’t really gay, but, since I played the part of girl in bed we got on very well together.

You weren’t afraid of discovery?

Yes I was, and once it caused a real problem. I had a school friend I was going with one winter. Whenever either his parents or mine went out at night, we would get together, on the pretext that we had homework to do. But there was another boy in our village who was interested in me and knew about my relationship with my friend. I refused to have anything to do with that boy, but then he went to our minister and told him what we were doing. The minister summoned us in for a talk. I was first. Even though he had several sons with whom I had “fooled around”, I wasn’t afraid of him. I told him I didn’t think he should interfere. I told him I knew he was bound to professional secrecy and I thought he should act as though he’d never even heard this slander. As for the rest, I didn’t want to discuss it any further with him. So we parted and I heard nothing more from him. By then, my friend and I were already gay. We continued meeting and we still see each other from time to time.

Have you ever accepted money for the contacts you’ve had?

No. At the most an ice cream or such. And the only thing I could give them in return were some apples or other fruits. We had only a small amount of pocket money in those days.

What do you think about paedophilia?

I don’t know what I would have done in those six years, from when I was 12 until I was 18, if I hadn’t had the chance to meet men older than I was myself. In other words, I had a very good time with paedophiles, and for the rest, I don’t think there should be a fixed age of consent. If there is a need on both sides I don’t believe thelaw should interfere. There was a time, I remember, when I was still 17 and my friend had just turned 18. Suddenly what we did together was criminal and he could have been punished for it.