[[Character 1 - wearing a black hat - sits at a computer. Character 2 stands behind Character 1]]
Character 1: You see, statisticians communicate using IPoD -- IP over Demographics. For example, the header of the next packet I send will be encoded into the New Jersey death rate.
Character 2: So you're going to hack the census bureau and change the number of reported deaths?
Character 1: Guess again.
Character 1: Hey, have you seen my crossbow?
{{Alt: For smaller numbers he has to SAVE lives.  The birthrate channel is even more of a mixed bag.}}