News Anchor: Breaking news--the President has made a nomination to the new post of Internet Secretary. We know little about the man, shown here.
Image Caption: Possibly a haberdasher?
News Anchor: Attempts to reach the nominee at home were unsuccessful.
Reporter: What the hell kind of apartment has a moat?
News Anchor: To understand the culture from which he came--and which he may soon administer--we sent a reporter to what we're told is the source of that culture. Tom?
Tom: I'm coming to you live from the 4chan 
b
 board. Despite the tube cloggage, nascent memes are flying fast and furious.
News Anchor: Why are you wearing a helmet, Tom?
Tom: I'm not sure.
[[Meanwhile in Ron Paul's blimp...]]
Ron Paul: Ahoy! What news of the blogs?
Pilot: Dr. Paul! The President's named his nominee!
Ron Paul: It's not me?
Ron Paul: Wait! I remember that guy from the campaign! He's a notorious troll!
Ron Paul: They mustn't put him in charge. Quick, call the capitol!
Pilot: Can't, sir. The tubes just went down completely.
Ron Paul: Blast!
Ron Paul: Then we'll go ourselves. Full speed ahead!
{{The blimp advances minutely.}}
{{The blimp advances minutely.}}
{{The blimp advances minutely.}}
Ron Paul: I said full speed!
Pilot: It's a blimp, sir!
{{Title text: That helmet won't save him.}}