Person: I know you shouldn't feed the trolls, but sometimes they just provoke me to where I can't help replying.
Hat Guy: Yeah, me too. Yesterday this guy kept spamming "First!" So I got a set of actuarial tables and spent twenty minutes telling him when all his childhood heroes would likely die.
Person: ...
Person: Remind me never to upset you, ever.
Hat Guy: 2038: Last of the original Star Wars cast dies.
Person: Augh!
{{Title Text: I started to do the tables for more famous people but it got really depressing and morbid and I had to go outside. Hat guy wins again.}}