[[A lot of people making toasts]]

Just a regular fucking person: Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends!

A biologist: Pseudopods for my real friends and real pods for my pseudo-friends!

An anachronist: Petticoats for my real friends and real coats for my petty friends.

A botanist: Loosestrife for my real friends and real strife for my loose friends!

An entomologist: Ladybugs for my real friends and real bugs for my lady friends!

Some kind of insufferable 90s nerd: Single-payer for my real friends and realplayer for my single friends.

Internet addict: Tumbleweeds for my real friends and real weed for my tumblr friends!

Bird lord: Fauxhawks for my real friends and real hawks for my faux friends!

{{Title text: Platonic solids for my real friends and real solids for my platonic friends!}}