[[Ad for a phone, with several factoids positioned around a picture of the device]]

((factoids listed here starting clockwise from the top))

-Runs custom blend of Android and iOS
-Simulates alternative speed of light (default: 100 miles per hour) and adjusts clock as phone accelerates
-Wireless
-Accelerometer detects when phone is in freefall and makes it scream
-When exposed to light, phone says "hi!"
-FlightAware partnership: makes airplane noise when flights pass overhead
-Realistic case
-Clear screen
-Side-facing camera

Introducing the XKCD Phone -- Your mobile world just went digital® 

{{Title text: Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract
trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.}}