1
Decision 2007
The cartoon character, Popeye, said it best: I’d had “all I could stands and I can’t stands no more.” The last several months of therapy had led to the upcoming moment. It was time for me to “draw a line in the sand”—to clearly state what was and was not acceptable behavior, in order for me to remain in the relationship.
As we awaited our turn on the therapist’s couch, I reread the words from Oriah’s The Invitation, featured in a beautifully framed picture hanging in the lobby…and I wept. I had come to understand “owning my own power” and was about to verbalize it. While I’d never thought about existing apart from Veeby, it became clearer during that latest round of marital therapy that she was not listening or hearing me. While my youthful religious hardwiring dictated that divorce was “bad” and not an option, I found myself finally prepared to pull the divorce trigger.
Oriah’s powerful words included:
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
Veeby and I had sat with pain many times, alone and together in marital therapy sessions. I expressed my pain and accepted hers. We were yoked together in partnership, sure to disappoint one another at times.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
In all our joys and hurts, I had often stood smack dab in the middle of the fire with Veeby. I endured her venomous verbal anger, her wagging finger in my face, her screaming at me usually nose to nose. I felt her eyes scorch my soul, and it hurt my heart. Yet, it never entered my mind to end our misery through divorce. Yes, I can say I’d successfully stood in the fire with my partner many, many times.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Odd, but I appreciated the validation of those words. As a musician, I was used to being alone in order to hone my craft. As a creator, I needed the quiet “empty moments” to envision and then implement. However, my need for alone time had always been a source of irritation to my partner.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
This theme spoke the loudest to me…and made me cry the very first time I read it several months earlier. Veeby had threatened to divorce me over and over [and over] through our 33+ years together. I endured accusations of betrayal I knew had not occurred, but could not convince my partner otherwise. I was finally strong enough to not “confess” to something I hadn’t done…just to keep the peace. I was finally strong enough to not betray my own soul.
In all our years together, I had never threatened to divorce Veeby. I had put up with all her emotional baggage and she’d put up with mine. Now, finally, I was about to enter a therapy session where I did not need to be changed or fixed. I had finally found the strength to be willing to walk away from our marriage and our partnership if she didn’t change.
The door opened…it was time. We entered, sat again, and I began the session by reading the following aloud to Veeby:
NEW CONTRACT
Veeby—Here’s what needs to happen in order for me to stay in our marriage:
• I have allowed you to almost kill me...emotionally abuse me and beat me down. I will NO LONGER ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR FROM YOU. You must take steps to change.
• During the last seven years, I could have easily been involved with others and have not. While there is no way to prove that I have not, I have not. I have honored my renewed vow to you from seven years ago. If you do not believe this, then we need to end our relationship. I can’t prove a negative.
• We have talked about the PAST way too much—have analyzed and processed it, gone to tons of therapy for it and I’ve allowed you to beat me up for it. YOU have NOT worked through this for yourself. YOU have NOT forgiven me. YOU will NEVER FORGET and will always try to MAKE ME PAY for past hurts. I have paid my dues. I am DONE hearing about your list of hurts each and every time you are angry. This has not been FAIR and has only served to KILL US.
• GOING FORWARD, we will NO LONGER talk about the past. The past is past—if YOU want to continue to swirl around in all our past hurts, then we have nothing else to talk about and we should end our marriage.
• Friends: I will have both male and female friends—NON-NEGOTIABLE. You will not try to control who I can have as friends. I have no problem letting you know who my friends are, but do NOT need to tell you everything that we discuss. They will be MY friends. I will continue to honor my renewed vow to you. You will work on this issue with a therapist to gain further insight into your insecurities and jealousy issues.
• Shame reduction for ME will include not allowing YOU to continue the belittling I’ve endured throughout our marriage. My thoughts and truths are just as valid as yours. Because they are not your thoughts and truths does NOT mean that “I am in denial.” I will no longer tolerate your condescending verbal abuse. You will work on this with a therapist to gain further insight and I will work on “owning my own power” and speaking my truth more honestly to you.
• Our relationship has to be one of EQUALS, or it’s not worth having anymore.
• There is no KING or QUEEN anymore. No more BROWBEATING. Neither one of us KNOWS IT ALL. We can DISCUSS things, but your DICTATING to me is no longer acceptable.
• I stand by what I have stated before: it is not the desire of my heart to end our marriage. However, I simply cannot survive as a person any longer doing the current dance steps.
• Either these changes are accepted, or I SAVE MYSELF by divorcing YOU and surviving.
Her response? Veeby turned away from me, repositioned herself to face the therapist and speaking to him said she wanted to “move forward with the divorce.”
I sat speechless. I was hurt beyond words. My partner wanted to end being my partner. She wanted to Un-Yoke us, after 33+ years together. I don’t remember much about the rest of the session. I barely remember leaving…I was numb. I drove to a dear friend, who held me as I cried.
• • • • •
That particular day, Veeby and I had planned to travel together for an out of town workshop. I was presenting at the State Convention of Music Teachers the very next day. She elected to not go on that trip. However, she texted me later in the afternoon that she wanted to meet before I left town. We coordinated to meet under a specific bridge on a major highway, after I was finished teaching.
We cried together under that bridge. We got in the back seat, held each other, apologized to each other and both cried like babies. I told her she wasn’t supposed to divorce me…that this was simply another rough patch. We spoke about taking a year apart for space and healing, to find out what would be best and how to pursue it in the coming days. We discussed how we were simply unable to get past our accumulated hurts and differences. She superimposed various boundaries like a twisting maze of “walls”…to exert her control within our relationship. I always saw possibilities, not limitations. It was time for me to climb over the walls and get out of the maze.
So, I drove off alone…down the road to the Convention.
• • • • •
Thus ended our “marital therapy.” We had been in and out of therapy for as long as we were together. Couples therapy, individual therapy…constantly. Actually, it’s hard to remember the times when were we not in therapy. From early on, we had to process how to fight fairly, and then if and when we would have children, and then her jealousy concerns, etc. It usually boiled down to I needed to be fixed—at least that’s what I remember Veeby telling the therapist as the scissors were sharpened and a smock was placed around me before we began each new round of therapy sessions. I learned very early that there really was no compromising within our sessions. Veeby thought or felt one way, and I usually felt or thought the opposite. The only way we’d been able to stay together for so long was through my uncanny ability to defer.
Since I prized peace…usually at all costs…it led me to defer my preferences most of the time within my primary relationship with Veeby. In other relationships and within my work life, I would never have accepted such bullying behaviors. However, I loved and built my partner up and eventually placed her on a pedestal. I actually created a most demanding and entitled little beast…and yet I would do anything for her…often at my own emotional expense. This led to a terrible power imbalance within our relationship. Once, she emailed one of her friends that she had placed me in a “time out”…like she was the parent and I was the little kid:
I spoke with John last night…he understands…he is in a “time out” but there are no guarantees…he just needs to realize he has to start putting effort into our marriage…maybe he will, maybe he won’t…time will tell.
I am committed to exclude the expletives, but really…Dub Ya Tee Eff? Her constant framing that I wasn’t putting “effort” into the marriage…drove me crazy! I was eventually able to vehemently verbalize my disagreement.
Such was our dance. When we disagreed, she would usually yell louder than me and I would back down…to keep the peace. If I stood up for myself—basically, not backing down—we’d end up in therapy. Most of those sessions were intended to change me, since it was obvious [to her] that I was entirely “wrong.” I jumped through so many hoops during our time together. I went to all those therapists and did everything Veeby asked me to do. I jumped over every obstacle she’d throw down, just trying to keep the marriage together. Still, she would say I hadn’t changed…or didn’t “get it”…or I’d crossed yet some other made up “line in the sand” or boundary…or wasn’t putting effort into our marriage…grrrr!
There was so much built up hurt through the years…on both sides. Veeby wrote:
John,
I know you are hurt with my outburst today. I know it probably seems to come out of nowhere… these feelings are displaced…I should feel happy to be with you, I should feel loving, and I don’t. Know that I don’t want to be mean to you….
And…
John,
I long to be close to you. I know your hurt keeps me out—but I’m aching to be let in—to feel connected to you. I know I have hurt you— I acknowledge the times I have said hurtful words in my hurt. For all the hurt I’ve caused you, I apologize….
One therapist taught us the concepts of “Individuating” and “Withdrawing our Will” as to whether we stayed in our relationship or not. That’s exactly what Veeby acted on at our last session…she withdrew her will to continue our journey….since I would no longer back down to her demands.
• • • • •
The last storm of angst blew through our relationship several months prior. A jealous clod of a husband—let’s call him an Unenlightened Neanderthal—came to our house to speak to Veeby while I was at work. He made accusations of my being “too close” to his wife…an adjunct member of the music department at my university job…who was also part of a five member group of friends that regularly stayed after work to talk and vent about our respective lives. While she and I were close friends, we were not “having an affair.”
The Unenlightened Neanderthal—[Thal, for short]—had illegally wiretapped and recorded a phone conversation between us [felony offense] that he then pompously played for Veeby to hear. There was nothing damning within that conversation, but just the fact that I was speaking with his wife, hurt Veeby. Later, both Thal and Veeby concluded that even if we weren’t having an affair, then we must be having an “emotional affair.” Yeah, that’s the ticket! OMG—we were friends—both hurting and sharing in the safety of a group of friends after work.
I later learned that Thal and his [then] wife had decided to terminate their marriage the evening prior to his showing up at my house. It became obvious to Thal—since I was the only male member within that group of friends his wife was hanging out with—it made sense in his small brain that it must be my fault. I must have done STOLE HIS WOMAN. And if he was gonna lose his woman, then he was gonna make sure I lost my woman, too! Ugh, Ugh.
Thal landed at my house and proceeded to exploit Veeby’s fears by using his suspicion [not proof] to not only hurt me by destroying my marriage relationship, but by throwing Veeby into needless turmoil. If Thal had “used his words” [hard for an Unenlightened Neanderthal] and conversed and actually LISTENED to his wife, a whole bunch of heartache could have been avoided on both sides. Alas, Unenlightened Neanderthals generally don’t listen too well. They usually think they already know everything. They tend to yell and boast loudly as they bully their way through life.
Before I arrived back home after Thal’s little visit, Veeby was already in a tail spin. She’d taken the two oldest children aside and told them mommy and daddy were getting divorced. She would later confide that she needed to tell our daughters to force herself to follow-through with the divorce. Talk about sacrificing your own children without regard to their well-being! What a horrible thing to have done. Not only were Thal’s accusations false, but to compound the issue and mess up the children that way? Not a very well thought out plan. One daughter left and returned to college that afternoon before she and I could speak and process all of the information. While the other daughter was already going through a turbulent year of teenage angst, the divorce details Veeby shared melted the rest of her childhood away.
Not only was Veeby’s insecurities exploited by Thal, plus the potential loss she was about to put into motion with a divorce, but there had already been many losses for her that particular year. Veeby had had yet another falling out with her own father earlier in the year—a long story with lots of hurts. She later wrote about feeling rejected as a daughter by her father, rejected as a mother by one of her kids, and rejected as a wife by me. [Disclaimer: I never rejected Veeby, but she couldn’t understand things any differently.] Our family cat had just passed away. There were premenopausal issues going on during that time, and I got my head bitten off by merely bringing up that subject. The oldest girl had left the nest to begin her own life in college. In order to prevent further hurt from our middle girl, Veeby wanted to sever all ties and send her away to military school. [I saved her from the military school option…whew!] Like I said, there was a whole lot going on in our family during that time period.
• • • • •
Early in our marriage—when we moved to Denver for our respective post-graduate studies—Veeby and I had several discussions regarding “opening up” our relationship to the possibility of experiencing “others” from time to time. This resulted in an Agreement between us…that if we ever acted on this, neither party wanted to know. Accordingly, I have no idea how that manifested itself within Veeby’s life and decisions during our time together. I know that my acting on that permission allowed me to open and grow in my understanding of life.
During discussions within a therapeutic setting many years later, we re-addressed that Agreement and chose to return to our original monogamous arrangement.
Therefore, it’s extremely MISLEADING and INACCURATE [all the while remaining somewhat funny] that Veeby would make the argument that I had “stepped out” on her…screaming to all who would listen. Nothing had happened within her and my relationship that both parties hadn’t already agreed to. Her spewing vile accusations was just a cruel shaming game she used to sway sympathy from our friends and family, most of whom had no idea of our previous Agreement.
• • • • •
Thal’s false accusation set the stage for our last round of therapy. So, when a good intentioned friend suggested seeing a Sex Therapist, Veeby jumped all over that. It was obvious, of course—if I didn’t desire her and just her, I must be a sexual deviant…a pervert…an out-of-control sex addict. Yeah, that’s the ticket!
Off we went to Sex Therapy, i.e., we began another round of marital therapy. This time we were going to get me snipped and fixed to her liking—a little off the top, leave some on the sides—you know, get me fixed up nice and pretty so I’d follow her around like a dog. Veeby probably daydreamed about the envious comments she’d receive from her friends—how beautiful and wonderfully trained I was.
Whether I was or was not a sexual deviant was entirely dependent on which side of the bed Veeby woke up each morning. If she needed to shame me to others, I was portrayed as a sexual addict. She had been given a new label to throw at me, in yet another attempt to hurt and control me. However, she also knew the true me…and that the sexual deviant claim was just a sham.
During that time, she wrote my parents:
Let me reiterate now what I said earlier to you, I do not believe John is a sexual deviant in any way, shape or form. Let me also be clear that John has given me many gifts and joys throughout our 33+ years together, not the least of which are your three amazing grandchildren. John is kind, loving and an amazing father to our children. As I told you earlier, I am with him still because I love him deeply…I will not abandon him, I will continue to love him even if that means our marriage doesn’t survive. I have told John all of this and he understands. I know I need to change, listen more and create space for John to feel comfortable challenging me more.
My individual therapist was female and absolutely wonderful. She helped me find my own power and gave me permission to view the dynamics of what all was going on in my relationship with Veeby within a different context. I wasn’t “wrong” or “crazy”—I just saw things differently. Thank you, thank you!
In order to get to the bottom of the whole sex addiction thing, I took the Sexual Dependency Inventory [SDI] test. I needed to score at least a “6” on their scale in order to qualify as a real live genuine sex addict. Unfortunately, I only scored a “2”—not enough—DARN! I was confirmed [condemned?] to NOT be a sex addict. Tested and confirmed, I was just a normal guy. But wait…there’s more.
Even though Veeby had met that female therapist and “approved” of our working together, it became abundantly clear to Veeby after 10 sessions and my receiving a “normal” rating on the SDI, that my therapist did NOT know what she was doing. I had not “changed” sufficiently. So Veeby dragged me into a different therapist’s office [within the same practice], but now we would do “couples therapy.” Now, for sure, I would be fixed! Yippee!!
So, the new male therapist read my SDI results. Luckily for me, if I would only see him for a year or so of additional therapy, and then retake the SDI, I would definitely score more towards being a real sex addict. He unbelievably and truthfully said that to me…WOW…sign me up! [NOT]
While those practitioners observed the Patrick Carnes sexual addiction model, I had clearly stated from the beginning that their model did not feel right to me. However, as yet another hoop I had to jump through to “work on our marriage,” I was then signed up for Group [Sex] Therapy. Yep, I attended Group Therapy for Sexual Addicts! A lovely time was had by all. I never felt like I belonged and eventually walked away from the group.
I was kind of hoping for an electric shock therapy session when I “graduated” from Sex Therapy…to erase all my memories of the entire ordeal.
Even though I jumped through her Sex Therapy hoop [good dog!]—to save and work on our marriage—Veeby eventually [slanderously] reframed that entire experience within court records as “John has been in sex addiction therapy, and fits the criteria for a person with sexual deviancy issues.” Veeby excelled in playing semantical games. She loved to twist the truth to her needs. It has always been about Perspective.
S M O K E & M I R R O R S
Threads of jealousy resurfaced several days before our very last therapy session. Veeby was aware I had just set up a new social media page, linked it to my website, and sent out a generic email to about 80+ people:
I’m trying to launch a new Artist Page for myself….
Would you be able to “Like” my Artist Page, please? Thanks.
It was Fall and the kids were preparing their costumes for Halloween, which fell on a Sunday evening that year. For reasons I don’t fully understand, Veeby became jealous and suspiciously went looking for “evidence.” So while I was at work, she tried to log into my Facebook account. She didn’t know my password, so she submitted a password reset request. She then logged in, printed out the above little blurb and copied the 80+ contacts information. [Talk about invasion of privacy!] I later learned that she was furious—not that I’d sent out the promotional email, but that I’d sent it to the ladies in my group of friends.
Walking towards my car after morning rehearsals that Sunday, I found Veeby waiting for me, already seated in my hot car with the windows rolled up. She launched into a verbal rampage, waving a print out of the above little blurb. She told me to not come home. I told her I didn’t have any other clothes, but she countered that I had the clothes I was wearing. I told her it was my house, too…and that I didn’t like her setting the precedent that she could “kick me out” whenever she felt like it. She yelled and ranted some more until I backed down…deferred once again…our normal dance steps. I spent the night with some friends, but more importantly, was “forbidden” to enjoy Halloween with our kids. CONTROL!
Apparently, there’s a double standard when it comes to promoting internet pages which I never knew—I didn’t get the memo. Evidently, it’s completely acceptable if Veeby promotes her newly designed website to her email distribution list the month before…
Sharing my new website with you and
bragging on my eleven-year-old son who designed it for me!
…but not all right if I promote my new social media page.
S M O K E & M I R R O R S
Over the next several days, Veeby continued to process her thoughts and feelings. She researched and emailed me about our Individuating:
I think this [article] sums it up well—I have to individuate from you to know what I want—if at the end of the process I want what you offer [and you want me] then we can come together as a “we”—but in either case I need this transformation for myself. I know you blame me but I hope someday you’ll see it was the only way for me not to hate the person I’d become—now I can be freer to love you for who you are, without it hurting me. [she drew a little heart symbol]
Since she and I married after college and then continued to “grow up” together as a couple, there is some validity to the suggestion that neither she nor I ever fully Individuated from our families of origin. Neither of us lived on our own prior to marriage [college dorm roommates don’t count]. Based on our shared religious upbringings, it was just the thing to do back then…we got married relatively early in life.
Hindsight allows me to see how Veeby’s Individuation process seemingly created an ugly monster.
• • • • •
She also researched and wrote about Kabbalah:
I thought this article was interesting…
I see myself as Binah consciousness and you as chochma :)
The article then went on to include the following text about her “Binah” consciousness: “…Binah is a female force and indeed the Talmud tells us that women have a higher level of it. Binah is the power of control [ya think?] and creative imitation.” [Veeby drew and copied art, but did not create originals.]
Also, “Sometimes, people over-analyze, second guess and scrutinize. They are too heavily controlled by Binah, and this usually leads to negative results, as in, ‘well, he texted me yesterday and told me he had a good time,’ but then I thought, ‘What does he mean by that? Isn’t “good” kind of a generic word? And if he really cared wouldn’t he have just called anyway?’ Though useful, Binah does not always bring us to tranquility, harmony and big picture thinking.”
Oh…My…Goodness…the paragraph above is EXACTLY how Veeby rambled on and on throughout all her letters and emails.
• • • • •
After her decision to end us, Veeby wrote my parents:
…I want to tell you both that I love your son very much. He needs your loving kindness and support right now. I have asked John for a dissolution of our union. I love you both and rest assured I know you love me. John and I love our children and will be forever linked through them. My prayer is that once this trial passes we will be able to have peace and love restored
John is a magnificent father to [our children] and has always been. He is a kind, loving, attentive man to me. It is just time to move on for me. I want nothing but goodness and mercy to follow John all the days of his life. I love you all.
And…
…just wanted to inform both of you that I am fine and so are the children. I also want to be accountable to both of you that I have made many mistakes and erred towards John in our time together. I have apologized for my cruel words and actions towards him and I want to let you both know that I take responsibility for my wrongs in our old marriage. John and I have decided to pause and let each other heal.
I want you both to be certain that you have raised a kind, loving, and gentle man. John is all those good things as well as things that aren’t good, like all of us, we have our warts and all. I have lived my life from a place of fear for many years, and that made me do and say hurtful things in order to keep John from hurting me. I know now that I want to live my life from a place of love, to know that I am responsible for not letting myself get hurt.
I don’t fear John, I know whatever happens to us we will always love each other, our DNAs are forever linked. I pray you hear my words and forgive me if I have hurt either one of you with my past actions or words. I love you both and pray for good things for you both.
She wrote our friends:
Because I still love John and I know he has feelings for me, we are doing this leaving as gently as possible, so that neither one of us or the children has to be hurt any further…John and I want different things.
She wrote me:
John,
You are my love and will always be. I know that now. You are right, there is only love or fear, and I have operated out of fear all of my life. Out of fear has come my anger and that has been toxic for me, you and our family. My fear leads to my anxiety which causes me to act in damaging ways. For all of this I apologize and take accountability. I am not proud of how I have been acting with you. I am grateful that it has brought me finally to a resting place of awareness and the choice I get to make now to live from a place of love. From this place of love, which is new and exciting for me to explore, I want to recreate my life. I have washed up on this beach of love and am exploring it all. I know that I cannot be a mate to you on a new boat without first getting my sea legs of love underneath me. I read recently that a healthy relationship is:
I am me, You are you, We are us
I can grow, You can grow, We can grow
I need to learn to be me. I need to not operate from fear and use threats of leaving you to keep you with me and calm my fears. I was damaged before you met me…your love all these years has healed a lot of it…I have to find a way to fix that and it will only happen if I operate from a place of love, for me, for others. I have attempted to keep from hurting by protecting myself from you, by controlling who you are I believed I could keep myself safe…you couldn’t hurt me if I knew all of you…you have your own damages and hurts and didn’t feel safe letting me know you. We went around and around in circles…hurting each other. Despite all that we have loved each other and our children abundantly. We have been able to rise above our past hurts and call out our better angels many times in these 33+ years. I want to continue calling on my better angel…believing that is possible, choosing to create my life differently, choosing to not get trapped by fear. I know that fear is powerful in me and will continue to trap me, but I have to believe love is stronger. I guess what I am saying is I have washed up on this beach of love and am exploring it. I long for company…I would welcome yours. But I accept that you have your own exploring to do. Our lives have touched and our DNA’s are entwined forever even if we don’t continue as mates. I know now that it is the desire of my heart to be loving with you and I believe that is possible independent of our being mates or not.
I love you forever.
And…
John,
Thanks for understanding my paranoia and fears—we will do this together—I know that. [drew a little heart]
And…
John,
I respect you more than you can know for staying true to who you are—I understand that, because that’s what I’m doing too—remaining true to who I am even though it is killing me to do so. You are and always will be my true love—my first love—I’ve been desperately trying to fight for our marriage so as not to lose my love and that’s brought us nothing but grief and pain…I’m so sorry this separation is happening—I want to be as gentle as possible to you and me as I pull us apart. If I could be different I would—but I’m not—in this lifetime we got many good years out of our union—we beat all their odds—but in the end we have to let it go.
• • • • •
Veeby did have some “down time” between all her writings…which she used to throw dramatic hissy fits. Just a few examples will suffice:
• The previous spring, we were having one of her “discussions”—which meant I was being yelled at rather loudly. It happened to be a cooler, breezy day, so we had all the windows opened in the house. At the end of her loud sermon, Veeby drove off to work—she had “said her piece” and then left me in emotional shreds on the floor as she just drove away—a common occurrence. Veeby justified her actions thusly: She didn’t want to hold onto her anger, but wanted to “get it out” so it would “get dealt with.” During our time together, I was eventually able to “use my words” and tell her that her “getting her anger out” usually cut me like a knife, leaving me in bloody shreds on the floor. While she might feel great verbally expressing her latest struggle, I told her she shouldn’t hurt me so deeply, since she supposedly loved me and we were married. However, Veeby’s loud rant that particular day was carried down the block in our development. After she drove off, one of the neighbors rang the doorbell…said she’d heard a lot of screaming and was checking to make sure everything was all right…WOW! All was not well in Camelot, indeed.
• Then there was the time we were having a lovely little “discussion” in the master bathroom. I don’t remember the subject matter, but do remember ducking quickly to avoid being hit by the flying glass soap dispenser. I dutifully cleaned up the glass and soap mess she’d made…and then went out and purchased replacement soap dispensers…plastic ones.
• The day she elected to end us, she later cautioned me…that I’d better not go out and kill myself. I wasn’t sure if she was projecting her own thoughts or not so subtly planting a suggestive seed for me to ponder. I later learned that she sought medical help the next day and received prescription drugs for anxiety and depression…which confirmed my belief she’d had those thoughts and was simply projecting.
• When I got back from the Convention, she broke down in our bedroom and lamented, “How was she going to raise our three kids all by herself?” I was standing right there…and replied that she wouldn’t be raising them alone. I’d always been involved and would continue to be involved in our children’s lives.
[The phrase Drama Queen entered my mind.]
• • • • •
Yes—all in all, it had been a very turbulent year. Veeby’s decision to end us in the Fall…seemed logical to her and was originally supposed to be an amicable separation, during which time we’d figure out how to proceed. It didn’t end up that way.
I believe Veeby did not honor our marriage vows when she decided to “withdraw her will” and end our partnership.
By getting out of our small boat, she was unfaithful in our journey.
