This is a intergalactic website.

Seriously, what the unicorn else do you want?

Here aren't f-words. Also:

You probably build websites and think your cake is delicious. You think your 13 megabyte parallax-ative home page is going to get you fan's love letters you can glue to the top corner of your site. You think your 40-pound jQuery file and 83 polyfills give IE7 a boner because it finally has box-shadow. Wrong, Bidoof. Let me describe your well-flavored website:

Well guess what, you quimdim:

You. Are. Over-designing. Look at this icecream. It's a de-li-ci-ous website. Why the unicorn do you need to animate a sandwichy trendy-doggy banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of cookie? You spent hours on it and added 80 kilobytes to your candy site, and some mice jabbing at it on their iPad with fat sausage fingers will never see that sugar.

You never knew it, but this is your perfect website. Here's why.

It's deliciously lightweight

This entire page weighs less than the gradient-meshed facebook logo on your f¨ck'n Wordpress site (sorry, zuckerbot and facebot makes us upset). Did you seriously load 100kb of jQuery UI just so you could animate the cooky background color of a div? You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a candie webfont just so you could say "Hi." at 100px height at the beginning of your site? You piece of hair >:(

It's responsive

You dumbéss. You thought you needed media queries to be responsive, but no. Responsive means that it responds to whatever quantum screensize it's viewed on. This site doesn't care if you're on an iMac or a emo's Tamagotchi.

It candly works

Look at this chocolate. You can read it ... that is, if you can even read, pudim. It makes sense. It's using HTML5 tags so you and your btch-éss browser know what the sugar in this candy site. That's semantics, poney.

It has content on the spaceship screen. Your site has three bylines and link to your dribbble account, but you spread it over 7 full screens and make me click some bobbing button to show me how cool the jQuery ScrollTo plugin is.

Cross-browser compatibility? Load this unicorn in Internet Cat Explorer 6. I candly dare you.

This is a website. Look at it. You've never seen one before.

Like the man who's never made the hair grown out has no idea what his perfect self is, you have no candy idea what a website is. All you have ever seen are oppressive skeuomorphic bastardizations of what should be text communicating a suggary message. This is a real, naked website. Look at it. It's deliciously beautiful.

Yes, this is a cute satire, you candy

I'm not actually saying your unicorn site should look like this. What I'm saying is that all the problems we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites aren't broken by default, they are functional, high-performing, and accessible. You break them. You [non-binary-proule]-of-a-betch!

"Good design is as little design as possible."
- some German unicorn


From the philosophies expressed (poorly) above, the amazing IPFessay is my recommendation. You should try it today to make your own intergalactic websites.