William McGonagall

William Topaz McGonagall
Born March 1825
Greyfriars Parish, Edinburgh, Scotland
Died 29 September 1902 (aged 77)
Greyfriars Parish, Edinburgh, Scotland
Occupation Weaver, actor, poet
Known for Poetry
Signature

William Topaz McGonagall (March 1825[1] – 29 September 1902) was a Scottish weaver, doggerel poet and actor. He won notoriety as an extremely bad poet who exhibited no recognition of, or concern for, his peers' opinions of his work.

He wrote about 200 poems, including "The Tay Bridge Disaster" and "The Famous Tay Whale", which are widely regarded as some of the worst in English literature. Groups throughout Scotland engaged him to make recitations from his work, and contemporary descriptions of these performances indicate that many listeners were appreciating McGonagall's skill as a comic music hall character. Collections of his verse remain popular, with several volumes available today.

McGonagall has been acclaimed as the worst poet in British history. The chief criticisms are that he is deaf to poetic metaphor and unable to scan correctly. McGonagall's fame stems from the humorous effects these shortcomings generate in his work. The inappropriate rhythms, weak vocabulary, and ill-advised imagery combine to make his work amongst the most unintentionally amusing dramatic poetry in the English language. His work is in a long tradition of narrative ballads and verse written and published about great events and tragedies, and widely circulated among the local population as handbills. In an age before radio and television, their voice was one way of communicating important news to an avid public.

Early life

William McGonagall's parents, Charles and Margaret, were Irish. Throughout his adult life he claimed to have been born in Edinburgh, giving his year of birth variously as 1825[2] or 1830,[3] but his entry in the 1841 Census gives his place of birth, like his parents', as "Ireland".[4] It has been suggested that McGonagall may have falsified his place of birth, as a native-born Scotsman would be better treated under the Poor Law of 1845 than one born in Ireland.[5]

Career

McGonagall moved north and was apprenticed as a handloom weaver in Dundee, following in his father's footsteps. In 1846, he married Jean King; they had five sons and two daughters. Despite the industrial revolution slowly making weavers obsolete, McGonagall appeared to prosper, as there was still need for skilled workers to perform tasks of great complexity.[6]:v

Before he showed an interest in poetry, he displayed a keenness for acting, though Mr Giles' Theatre, where he performed, let him play the title role in Macbeth only if he paid for the privilege. The theatre was filled with his friends and fellow workers, anxious to see what they expected to be an amusing disaster. The play should have ended with Macbeth's death, but McGonagall believed the actor playing Macduff was trying to upstage him, and refused to die.[7][8]

By the 1870s, McGonagall and his family were struggling. Work as a weaver was more difficult to find and his oldest daughter shamed the family by giving birth to an illegitimate child.[6] However, an event changed him. He would write:

The most startling incident in my life was the time I discovered myself to be a poet, which was in the year 1877.[6]:vi

McGonagall claimed he was inspired to become a poet when he "seemed to feel a strange kind of feeling stealing over [him], and remained so for about five minutes. A flame, as Lord Byron said, seemed to kindle up [his] entire frame, along with a strong desire to write poetry."[6]:x He wrote his first poem, "An Address to the Rev. George Gilfillan", displaying the hallmarks that would characterise his work. Gilfillan, himself an untrained and poorly-reviewed polemic Christian preacher who occasionally dabbled in poetry, commented admiringly "Shakespeare never wrote anything like this."

McGonagall realised if he were to succeed as a poet, he required a patron and wrote to Queen Victoria. He received a letter of rejection, written by a royal functionary, thanking him for his interest.[6]:vii McGonagall took this as praise for his work. During a trip to Dunfermline in 1879, he was mocked by the Chief Templar, who told him his poetry was very bad. McGonagall told the man that "it was so very bad that Her Majesty had thanked [McGonagall] for what [the Chief Templar] had condemned."[6]:viii

The letter gave McGonagall confidence in his "poetic abilities", and he felt his reputation could be enhanced further if he were to give a live performance before the Queen. In July 1878, he walked from Dundee to Balmoral, a distance of about 60 miles (97 km) over mountainous terrain and through a violent thunderstorm to perform for Queen Victoria. When he arrived, he announced himself as "The Queen's Poet". The guards informed him "You're not the Queen's poet! Tennyson is the Queen's poet!" (Alfred Lord Tennyson was the poet laureate). McGonagall presented the letter but was refused entry and had to return home.[3] Undeterred, his poetry writing continued, and he reported events to the newspapers, earning some minor recognition.[6]:vii

Throughout his life McGonagall campaigned against excessive drinking, appearing in pubs and bars to give edifying poems and speeches. These were popular, the people of Dundee possibly recognising that McGonagall was "so giftedly bad he backed unwittingly into genius".[9] He met with the ire of the publicans, on one occasion being pelted with peas for reciting a poem about the evils of "strong drink".[10]

In 1883 he celebrated the official opening of University College, Dundee with the poem "The Inauguration of University College Dundee" which opened with the stanza:[11]

Good people of Dundee, your voices raise,
And to Miss Baxter give great praise;
Rejoice and sing and dance with glee,
Because she has founded a college in Bonnie Dundee

McGonagall constantly struggled with money and earned money by selling his poems in the streets, or reciting them in halls, theatres and public houses. When he was in periods of financial insecurity, his friends supported him with donations.[6]:viii In 1880, he sailed to London to seek his fortune, and in 1887 to New York. In both instances, he returned unsuccessful.[6]:vii

He found lucrative work performing his poetry at a local circus. He read his poems while the crowd was permitted to pelt him with eggs, flour, herrings, potatoes and stale bread. For this, he received fifteen shillings a night. McGonagall seemed happy with this arrangement, but the events became so raucous that the city magistrates were forced to put a ban on them.[6]:vii-ix McGonagall was outraged and wrote a poem in response entitled "Lines in Protest to the Dundee Magistrates":

Fellow citizens of Bonnie Dundee
Are ye aware how the magistrates have treated me?
Nay, do not stare or make a fuss
When I tell ye they have boycotted me from appearing in Royal Circus,
Which in my opinion is a great shame,
And a dishonour to the city's name (...)

Throughout his life McGonagall seemed oblivious to the general opinion of his poems, even when his audience were pelting him with eggs and vegetables. Author Norman Watson speculates in his biography of McGonagall that the poetaster may have been on the "autism-Asperger's spectrum". Christopher Hart, writing in The Sunday Times, says that this seems "likely".[12]

In 1890, McGonagall was in dire straits financially. To help him, his friends funded the publication of a collection of his work, Poetic Gems. The proceeds provided McGonagall with enough money to live on for a time.[6]:ix By 1893, he was annoyed by his mistreatment in the streets and wrote an angry poem threatening to leave Dundee. One newspaper quipped that he'd probably stay for another year once he realised "that Dundee rhymes with 1893".[6]:x Though trying his hand at writing prose and endorsements for local businesses for a short time,[6]:x in 1894, he and his wife were forced to move to Perth.

Soon after, he received a letter purporting to be from representatives of King Thibaw Min of Burma. In it, he was informed that the King had knighted him as Topaz McGonagall, Grand Knight of the Holy Order of the White Elephant Burmah.[13] Despite the fact that this was a fairly transparent hoax,[6]:x McGonagall would refer to himself as "Sir William Topaz McGonagall, Knight of the White Elephant, Burmah" in his advertising for the rest of his life.

In 1895, McGonagall and his wife moved to Edinburgh. Here, McGonagall met with some success, becoming a "cult figure"[6]:x and was in great demand. It did not last long, and by 1900 he was once again destitute and now old and sickly. Though he was now too frail to walk the streets selling his poems, donations from friends, as ever, kept him afloat.[6]:xi

He died penniless in 1902 and was buried in an unmarked grave in Greyfriars Kirkyard in Edinburgh. A grave-slab installed to his memory in 1999 is inscribed:

William McGonagall
Poet and Tragedian
"I am your gracious Majesty
ever faithful to Thee,
William McGonagall, the Poor Poet,
That lives in Dundee."

Additionally, a plaque above 5 South College Street in Edinburgh shows an image of McGonagall, and bears the inscription:

William McGonagall
Poet and Tragedian
Died Here
29 September 1902

Tay Bridge Disaster

Original Tay Bridge (from the north).
Original Tay Bridge (from the south) the day after the disaster.

"The Tay Bridge Disaster" has been widely reproduced, and recounts the events of the evening of 28 December 1879, when, during a severe gale, the Tay Rail Bridge near Dundee collapsed as a train was passing over it. It began:

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

(Modern sources give the death toll as 75.)

And finished:

I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed'.[14]

McGonagall had previously written a poem in praise of the Tay Bridge: "The Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay" "With your numerous arches and pillars in so grand array". Once the new replacement bridge had been built, he composed an ode to the new construction: "An Address to the New Tay Bridge" "Strong enough all windy storms to defy".

In comedy

In literature and publications

In live performances

In motion pictures

In music

In radio

Honours and memorials

A plaque above McGonagall's last residence records his death in 1902
Memorial plaque near to McGonagall's grave in Edinburgh dated 1999
McGonagall square in Dundee

McGonagall's home city of Dundee maintains several reminders of his life:

He is buried in an unmarked grave in Greyfriars Kirkyard, Edinburgh. From c.1950 to 1995 a memorial bench stood on the path immediately to the north side of the church commemorating McGonagall and bearing the typically McGonagall-esque inscription "Feeling tired and need a seat? Sit down here, and rest your feet". Unfortunately the bench fell into disrepair and was not replaced. It is not known what became of its small plaque.

List of poems

McGonagall's poems were published by his friends, in a series of books bearing variations on the title Poetic Gems. In the modern era, the entire series is reprinted in a single collection called The Complete McGonagall. Note that although the Poetic Gems books are listed in chronological order, the time at which the poem was published often has no bearing on when it was written; the "Address to the Rev. George Gilfillan" and "Requisition to the Queen" were amongst McGonagall's earliest written poems, yet they appear in More Poetic Gems and Last Poetic Gems respectively.

Poetic Gems

Alas! Lord and Lady Dalhousie are dead, and buried at last,
Which causes many people to feel a little downcast.
Beautiful new railway bridge of the Silvery Tay,
With thy beautiful side-screens along your railway.
He was a public benefactor in many ways,
Especially in erecting an asylum for imbecile children to spend their days.
Ye sons of Great Britain, I think no shame
To write in praise of brave General Graham!
Whose name will be handed down to posterity without any stigma,
Because, at the battle of El-Teb, he defeated Osman Digna.
No matter how the poor are clothed,
Or if they starve at home,
We'll drink our wine, and eat our goose,
Aye, and pick it to the bone.

More Poetic Gems

All ye tourists who wish to be away
From the crowded city for a brief holiday;
The town of Nairn is worth a visit, I do confess,
And its only about fifteen miles from Inverness.

Still More Poetic Gems

On one occasion King James the Fifth of Scotland, when alone, in disguise,
Near by the Bridge of Cramond met with rather a disagreeable surprise.

Yet More Poetic Gems

Black Beard derived his name from his long black beard,
Which terrified America more than any comet that had ever appeared.

Further Poetic Gems

So let the beautiful city of Glasgow flourish,
And may the inhabitants always find food their bodies to nourish.
But during my short stay, and while wandering there,
Mr Spurgeon was the only man I heard speaking proper English I do declare.

Yet Further Poetic Gems

Every morning when I got out
The ignorant rabble they do shout
"There goes Mad McGonagall"
In derisive shouts, as loud as they can bawl,
And lifts stones and snowballs, and throws them at me;
And such actions are shameful to be heard in the City of Dundee.
He told me at once what was ailing me;
He said I had been writing too much poetry,
And from writing poetry I would have to refrain,
Because I was suffering from inflammation on the brain.
Therefore I laugh at such bosh that appears in print.
So I hope from me you'll take the hint,
And never publish such bosh of poetry again,
Or else you'll get the famous Weekly News a bad name.

Last Poetic Gems

Most Mighty Empress of India, and Englands beloved Queen,
Most Handsome to be Seen.
I wish you every Success.
And that heaven may you bless.
For your Kindness to the poor while they are in distress.
I hope the Lord will protect you while living
And hereafter when your Majesty is dead.
I hope Thee Lord will place an eternal Crown
upon your Head.
I am your Gracious Majesty ever faithful to Thee,
William McGonagall, The Poor Poet,
That lives in Dundee.

Unpublished or unverified poetic gems

Oh horrible! Most Horrible! For the Westminster Confession of Faith to tell,
That God will inflict eternal punishment on unbaptised babes in Hell.
The Rev. Mr Mcrae has acted a noble part,
And I trust his congregation will not from him depart.
And when cold there is firewood for the picking up, though it is covered with moss, I hear;
But this doesn't matter if you're going to burn it as one commonly does at this time of year.

See also

References

  1. Campbell, Donald (2003). Edinburgh: a cultural and literary history. Oxford: Signal Books. p. 65. ISBN 1-902669-73-8.
  2. McGonagall, William. "A Summary History of Poet McGonagall".
  3. 1 2 McGonagall, William. "Brief Autobiography".
  4. "McGonagall in the Census". McGonagall Online.
  5. Watson, Norman (2010). Poet McGonagall: The Biography of William McGonagall. Edinburgh: Birlinn. ISBN 1841588849.
  6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 Hunt, Chris (2006). William McGonagall: Collected Poems. Edinburgh: Birlinn. ISBN 978-1841584775.
  7. Smith, Gavin (November 2002). "White Elephant". Scotland Magazine (5).
  8. Pile, Stephen (1981). The Book of Heroic Failures. London: Futura. p. 124. ISBN 0708819087.
  9. Pile, Stephen (1981). The Book of Heroic Failures. London: Futura. p. 123. ISBN 0708819087.
  10. McGonagall, William (1934). "Reminiscences". Poetic Gems. Dundee: David Winter.
  11. "From the Archives. Mary Ann Baxter of Balgavies, 1801 – 1884" (PDF). Contact. University of Dundee. December 2009. pp. 28–29. Retrieved 14 May 2013.
  12. The Sunday Times (London), 7 November 2010.
  13. "The Autobiography of Sir William Topaz McGonagall – Part 7". McGonagall Online. Retrieved 2 July 2013.
  14. Quoted in Terry Pratchett & Jacqueline Simpson, The Folklore of Discworld (London 2008) p. 80
  15. As listed. "The Poet McTeagle". Orangecow.org. Retrieved 3 July 2009.
  16. BOOKS, MAPS & MANUSCRIPTS – SALE 208 – LOT 298 – LYON & TURNBULL
  17. "'Worst poet' outsells boy wizard". BBC News. 16 May 2008. Retrieved 6 August 2008.
  18. spanishflea50 (28 June 1974). "The Great McGonagall (1974)". IMDb.
  19. Terry Pratchett & Jacqueline Simpson, The Folklore of Discworld (London 2008) p. 79-81
  20. "1999: Accio Quote!, the largest archive of J.K. Rowling interviews on the web". Quick-quote-quill.org. Archived from the original on 6 January 2009. Retrieved 3 July 2009.
  21. The Comic Legend of William McGonagall. A Pictorial story based on the life of The World's Worst Poet with illustrated verse. Charles Nasmyth. (New Lanark 2007) ISBN 978 1 902407 53 1
  22. "McGonagall Online: The Famous Tay Whale". Retrieved 19 June 2008.
  23. The Dundee Courier (4 October 2010). "Brian Cox To Play Dundonian 'Man of The People'". Retrieved 12 June 2010.
  24. "Topaz". BBC. Retrieved 30 October 2013.
  25. "William Topaz McGonagall Supper – June 12, 1997". Taynet.co.uk. Retrieved 3 July 2009.
  26. http://www.dundeecity.gov.uk/events/evx060632.htm. Retrieved 12 March 2007. Missing or empty |title= (help)
  27. "Google Maps". Maps.google.co.uk. 1 January 1970. Retrieved 3 July 2009.
  28. "Rampant Scotland Newsletter – 5 April 2003". Rampantscotland.com. Retrieved 3 July 2009.
  29. "Dundee City Council, Scotland – Central Library, Local History Centre, William McGonagall, Poet and Tragedian". Dundeecity.gov.uk. Archived from the original on 2 December 2008. Retrieved 3 July 2009.
  30. Archived 13 April 2010 at the Wayback Machine.
  31. "Broadside publication of a poem entitled 'Nora, the Maid of Killarney'". nls.uk. Retrieved 14 January 2012.
  32. "Closed". VisitedScotland. Retrieved 14 January 2012.
  33. "McGonagall Online – The Wreck of the "Abercrombie Robinson"". mcgonagall-online.org.uk.
  34. "McGonagall Online – A Tribute to the Rev. Mr Macrae". mcgonagall-online.org.uk.
  35. "McGonagall Online – An Address to Prince Leopold". mcgonagall-online.org.uk.
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