((The page is set up like the missed connections area of Craigslist, with a list of messages from an individual to a person they weren't able to communicate with at the time.))
Personals > Missed Connections

You: Clinging to hood of your stolen wienermobile, trying to reach into engine to unstick throttle
Me: Screaming, diving out of the way

You: Vaguely human silhouette
Me: At bottom of wishing well with harpoon gun

You: Confused UDP packet
Me: Cisco router in 45.170
16 block

You: Baddest fuckin' Juggalo at Violent J's party
Me: Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca)

You: Getting married to me
Me: Also getting married, but distracted by my phone

You: Cute boy on corner of 4th & Main, 5'11, 169lbs, social security number 078-05-1120, pockets contained $2.09 in change, keys, and a condom. Retinal scan attached
Me: Driving street view van

You: George Herman "Babe" Ruth
Me: Fellow Time Lord. Saw your tardis on third moon of <<Sentence cuts off, partially obscured by bottom of panel>>

{{Title text: The Street View van isn't going to find out anything Google won't already know from reading my email.}}