I dont want to bother you with a huge
pretext as to who wrote this like other
files do so here it is. Besides, who
cares? 

@#!%@%$^#&^$(^)+*&^_(&*_+)*&(_++*+)*)&^
@%$                                 *&%
&%^  "I Was A Teenage Modem Geek"   ,?@
^$%                                 )@(
}#>         written  by             \]#
(*&                                 !@*
)#$        The  Sheister            ^&*
(#@                                 @!/
<!+       better known as           &#*
*$#                                 #.=
-`!         Umass Bandit            &#!
)=-                                 *$#
@*%@#%*&^(*)#$%^%$#&$%%)((*(_)^&^#$%^@$


  I was sitting in the cafeteria with
my friends, doing nothing but bragging
about what girls Ive been with and how
many touchdown passes Ive made in my
high school career.  Being the star
quarterback of Apple ][ High wasnt an
easy job you know and I was damn good
too.  Everyone knew me, everyone loved
me and there wasnt a moment that passed
without a girl flashing me a smile in 
a quite inviting way.  Things were 
going fine, just perfect, better than
anyone could ever wish for, until one
day...that one stormy night when I met
that girl.  That girl was going to  
change my whole life, more than I knew,
or can remember.
 
(fade out in a blurry type dream state
 like in the movies and dont forget the
music that falls from a high to a low
tone in gradual steps that accompanies
such dream states)

  It was an ordinary school day, you 
know, the kind where you just go to all
of your classes, kiss all the girls,
sign autographs, look in the mirror a
dozen times, get asked out at least
5 times, you know, the usual stuff. 
I was cruisin with my pals from the
football team down to the gym for some
heavy working out when I noticed a girl
that Id never slept with before.
"Hey Joe, is she new here or what?", I
asked.
  "Wow, I guess so." Joe answered.  
"You've never slept with her before, as
far as I can remember, so she must be"
  I smiled, knowing very well that she
was as good as mine.  "Well guys, Im
the boss and well, I guess that means
shes taken...by me of course."  The
other guys didnt look too enthusiastic
but they loved me and I loved them so
they learned to handle things such as
this like adults.  With a quick wave
of my hand we continued on our trek
to the gym.
  "Unghhh!" I groaned as I curled my 
last set of 100 lbs, but on the last
repetition I dropped all of the weights
, needless to say, on Joe's foot. There
she was, splendid, glory, grace, beauty
elegance but that didnt affect me. What
a BOD, this girl had tits that would
make your mouth water, and such a fine
ass that I couldve broken out of my
Jock Strap Cup if I were wearing it.
"Snap out of it! Snap out of it!" my
pals were yelling, but their voices
were just a faint whisper in the wind.
Suddenly, she turned to face me, as if
she knew that Id been staring at her
the whole time.  Our eyes met, we knew
what we had to do.
  Asking her out was the easy part and
before I knew it I had a date with her
to go to the drive-in theatre.  During
the intermission, (i like to take my
time), we started talking.  I noticed
that she sound slightly strange, like
her voice was generated, computer-like
you know, but I just passed it off as
a hearing problem.  I wasnt about to
let something like that stop me from
stripping the innocence of this beauti-
ful creation.  Before long, things were
heated up and we were exchanging sex
fluid in quite a fervent manner, when
all of a sudden she bit me on the neck.
Now I knew there were no such things as
vampires so I simply let it pass, but
the feeling was too incredible to ig-
nore.  She kept her lips there for 
quite some time, saliva dripping down
onto my shoulder.  It felt like there
was electricity flowing through my body
just pouring through my veins, in short
it was incredible, and with that I did
in 10 minutes what it would take me 1
month and 10 more girls to do.
  Well, that was where things started
changing.  I was waking up late for
school, I lost my appetite quite often
and i always seemed unorganized and
disoriented, but that was alright, I
was the team captain, all-star quarter-
back right?  I was still number one.
Joe walked up to me during my free 
period and asked, "Hey, whereve you 
been lately?  Ever since that night
with that..that new girl, we havent
seen you except in school.
  "Thats NONE of your business" I piped
back, harsher than I normally would.
What I did in my spare time was nobodys
business, and i stress nobodys" 
I turned around and headed toward my
math class.
  "Be that way," Joe added, in tones
that I could perceive as hurt and
anguish, "see if I care."  With that,
he too turned and walked away.
  The rest of the day, I couldnt wait
to get home.  I never saw that girl
again, not even in school, but I didnt
mind anymore, all I wanted to do was
get home and read some new computer
books I made my mom buy me and then
fiddle around with my Apple //e.
  Ah, school was out, I rushed home and
started playing some rad games such as
Choplifter and Montezumas Revenge. What
a blast!  My mom was getting concerned
that I was getting hooked and my father
seemed dissappointed that I wasnt show-
ing any enthusiasm for football anymore
I thought theyd be happy for me, but
they just couldnt understand...noone
could understand, so I bought a new 
lock for my door and that quieted thing
s down a little.
  Later that night, a full moon began
to show itself in the sky. "Mom," I
screamed, "Here!  Take this key and 
dont let me out of my room until morn-
ing, no matter what you hear!!!"  My
mother, quite shocked and worried
merely nodded her head in confirmation.
I ran up to my room and waited as she
locked me in.  Suddenly, I could feel
myself transforming.  Oh it was so 
horrible, I couldnt bear the pain,
rejection and humiliation I was feeling
while transforming.  I looked in the
mirror.  I almost fainted.  There,
staring back at me, was a medium-sized,
spindly, geek with greasy hair, a high
brainy forehead, a pair of the worst
looking glasses and a scar from a leech
on his left cheek.  "This CANT be ME,"
 I thought, praying that I was right.
I screamed and pounded and screamed
some more and pounded some more as I 
could hear my mother begging me to let
her open up with the key.  I withheld
my frustration so she would leave. She
did, finally.  In my state of shock, I
turned and came face to face with my
computer.  Warmth and a feeling of
love swept through my heart, not unlike
the feeling I felt when I first met
that girl outside of the gym.  I rubbed
my fingers across the keys and without
a moments hesitation, I knew what I had
to do.
   After I set up my Hayes Micromodem
][, a modem that all K00l sysops hate,
I called up every BBS in the nation and
set up accts on all of the ones that
had AE running.  After I was through
with that, I called up all of the
No PW AEs I could find and downloaded
everything whether I needed it or not.
This was great!  It was 4am and I had
already filled 50 disks!  Around 6am
I felt a change taking place once more
but I managed to maintain.  I tried
to call a BBS for some reason, silly
me, and I found that I liked it, 
although not as much as Downloading. I
posted something on every message base
even if I didnt have something to say.
What a grand old time I was having. I
started to wonder how I could have ever
overlooked something as much fun as 
this in life.  It was now 730am and I
was very sleepy, and before I knew it
I was fast asleep.
   "Time to wake up." my mother said
in her sweet voice.  Disks were strewn
all over the room and papers and index
cards with thousands of numbers were
all in various parts of my desk, what
a mess.  "Son, I want you to know that
what happened last night was fine with
your father and I.  We realize that you
face constant pressures each day and
that some time you were going to have
to release."  If she only knew how much
I wanted to tell her to fuck off, I
released every night with a different
girl, and speaking of that I couldnt
figure out which girl I had last night.
And why was all this mess in my room?
Well, my mother, as usual, began to 
clean it up, but I kept a very close
eye on her.  I was very nervous about
the way she was picking things up and I
cringed with each disk she touched.
  That day at school Joe came up to me
again. "You know," he said, "theres
something wrong with you buster and Im
sick of putting up with your shitty
attitude towards me"  Before I could
say anything he was gone.  Things
seemed strange, not as many girls had
been smiling at me as of late, and I
even noticed people whispering while
looking at me, as if Id done something
wrong.  "What is it with you guys?!?"
I yelled.  By now, everyone in the 
hallway was staring at me"
   "Nothing." said one girl that I used
to date, "Whats wrong with YOU?"  I
kind of thought about that for a second
and realized that she was obviously
wrong in assuming that something was
wrong with me so I told her to go fuck
herself, grabbed my books and headed 
out the front doors.  I hopped into my
car with all the latest m0dz and I was
off to the house to play with my com-
puter.  That was all I needed, I didnt
need anyone or anything else.
  My mother greeted me at the door.
"Principle Farber just called" she 
said "He says you were caught drawing
pictures of computers on the bathroom
wall and signing it K-K00l Rad D00d"
is this true?" she asked.
  "Yes mom, but I didnt mean it, I just
wasnt thinking" and I meant that, I
really couldnt remember why I did it,
but what was done was done...and hey,
I sort of enjoyed it.
  "Well please please please, dont get
caught doing that again?  Your father
and I are still trying to be patient,
we understand"
  "Ok, fine" I replied. "just lock me
in my room now and leave me alone" With
a look of despair my mom did as I told
her.  I hopped on my //e after I set
up the //c I bought on my way home from
school.  I set them up with AE and 
began transferring with the //e and 
called some BBS with the //c.  After
I posted about 400 messages depicting
what a K-k00l K-Rad N0n-r0deNt D00d
I was I stopped calling BBS and had my
//c also download from AEs.  The thirst
for warez was growing stronger and
stronger, ever unquenchable.  I made
sure that they were both transferring
properly and then I slipped out my 
window into the still night air.
  After running as fast as my scrawny
legs could carry me, I reached the
local computer store.  I had read many
files on how to break into stores by
the Metallian and had no problems at
all.  I stepped into the store.  My
heart pounded and I literally shot a
load right in my pants.  Wares here!
Wares there! Wares Wares everywhere!
I grabbed as many wares as I could and
threw them into a sack along with a
whole bunch of modems, all kinds, even
kinds i couldnt use.  They were stil
pretty to look at, you know.  With
my booty in hand I headed home to set
my modems up as permanent fixtures in
my room, bookends, lightstands etc.
Boy, was my other self going to be 
surprised the next morning.
   This went on for weeks. My greed and
lust for wares and modems grew stronger
with each passing day, until one night
while pilfering a computer store 900
miles away, I tripped an alarm. Appar-
antly this alarm was not covered in the
text file.  I clutched my bag of wares
and modems and ran up the stairs to the
top of the building, hoping to find a 
ladder down the side on which i could 
make a quiet exit.  No ladder.  "Oh
shit" i thought.  Just as I was heading
back inside to use a more obvious exit,
the store was surrounded by a swarm of
police cars and SWAT members.  Like I
said, Id been doing this for weeks and
it had really made the papers so most
places were ready.  My love for wares
was so great that I would have done 
anything to get out of there so back
up to the roof it was.
   Looking down upon the police made me
feel like a king, like I could squish
them if i pleased.  I grabbed a handful
of modems and wares and threw my hands
up in the air in a desperate attempt
to scare them off.  However, they must
have been getting paid enough because
they held their ground, either that or
they were mad because they wanted the
latest in modems and I had them all.
One of the policemen, most likely a
rookie, mistook one of the modems for
a Smith and Wesson and before I could
say Hayes there was a well placed bull
et entering my stomach.  Still clutch-
ing the wares and modems, I reached
down to see if that crimson stain on my
shirt was just ketchup.  It was not.  I
screamed some more, but due to the loss
of blood I could not hold up, and so I
began to fall..never letting go of my
prizes mind you.  I hit the concrete,
concrete sounds worse than pavement or
earth, with a earthshaking 'thud'. 
Everything went black.
   Well, needless to say, I didnt die
or I wouldnt be here to tell you this
story, but somehow that bullet rico-
cheted off a rib and went through my
brain and I dont know how, but the
doctors say it cured me.  The police 
held a full-scale investigation and
told me everything that happened.  Joe
came up to visit me every day, but he
still never saw that girl again.  Where
did she go?  Oh well, Im sure she had
nothing to do with it.  Well, every-
things fine now with one exception:
Im a vegetable but Im lucky enough to 
be kept alive by a medical computer.
Ah what bliss.....

!@#$@^&!%$*@&%~`\][\[`||{|{``~|{~~%$$**
(&&                                 `!@
~~&   This long-winded story was
*`/         written by:
({#                                 &$<
>~-        The Sheister             #@!
&!)                                 {]\
(&*#@%$*&|}{\]\[/.,<><<>~`":(*&)&)&)%$^

Next To Come:

  How To Write A T-file

   which will be much better than this
because, of course, Ill be following my
own method.